Humourous Diversions
Snacky's Lowest Moments
I want to start a list of our "lowest moments" as smokers. I think it really puts things in perspective.
Here are some of mine:
I've actually tried to dry packs of cigarettes in the microwave after I'd wet them down in an attempt to quit. When the microwave thing failed, I would go into the street to look for acceptable cigarette butts to smoke... anything for my fix.I would steal cigarettes from friends when they weren't looking.
I became an expert at repairing "broken" cigarettes.
When living in Austin, where most restaurants don't allow smoking, I limited my dinners to restaurants that would allow my habit... regardless of if they were good or not.
By far the dumbest thing of all... I smoked less than a minute after the funeral of a very good friend who died of lung cancer...(a long-time smoker)
This happened after the birth of all my children (3) all were born by ceasaran. But was worse and dumber with my third child simply because he was born in January in the dead of winter. Here I am I have just been through major surgery, had all my stomach muscles cut, can barely move, hooked to an IV, and a catheter at 11pm at night, dragging my body down to the first floor of the hospital, moving only by baby steps, to get out into the outdoor courtyard the only place you could smoke. As I steped out into the courtyard the frigid wind and snow hit me in the face and yanked the door out of my hands, slammed the door shut so hard I couldn't get it open because I was so weak and to top it off the door had slammed shut on my catheter bag leaving me irrevocably stuck to the door wearing my PJ's in the freezing cold. Luckily another stupid person was shortly along coming to smoke in a snowstorm as well and was able to release me.
I have never been able to figure out why hospitals will give people massive doses of Morphine and then let them wander aimlessly around anyway. LOL...and also a good reminder of The Way Things Were for those of you who have already quit (I'm on my last day).
This morning I was outside on my balcony, having a smoke and a cup of tea, watching the traffic and pondering life, you know...and the wind blew a bunch of ash into my tea! I watched it sink and then took a sip, said "that's not that bad" and then laughed when I remembered our list from yesterday. I went, hey wait a minute, this is pathetic. I still have hot water in the kettle!
My lowest moment, when I was living at my mother's house at 34, she didn't know I smoked, yeh right, and I would sneak up to my room like a 12 year old and hang out the window to get my fix. Actually a lower moment, doing the exact same thing 20 minutes later, and twenty minutes later...
i did all of the above....and some more...lied every time i pretended to quit....made it a point to have my quits fail...lit up right after hypnosis, right after acupuncture, while using the patch....despite health warnings, smoked while on birth control, while in the hospital (had to drag myself out of the bed, crawl across the floor and hide in the bathroom)...while sick (colds, coughs, strep throat, bronchitis, nausea, vomiting, fevers, appendicitis, whatever....)....had hidden packs of cigarettes everywhere, i mean everywhere....smoked in every public bathroom (on planes, at sports arenas, in school, at work)....smoked the left-over butts of people i didn't know.....was stuck in another state with 5 dollars and no food for 36+ hours....spent the end of my $$ on two packs of cigarettes....stole cigarettes from people i know and people i didn't know, lied to people i know and people i didn't about my quits...I could come up with a lot more, but i'm sure you've heard it all and done it all....the most important thing to realize, i think, is that what was said above was true....i never lied, stole, hurt for anything else other than for this addiction...I NEVER WANT TO REPEAT THAT BEHAVIOR
Bribing my kids with candy so they would agree to go to the store with me - so I could feed my addiction... (of course they knew what was up...) I would go out of my way not to smoke in front of anyone and not let anyone know I smoked. Must be that Catholic guilt I have!! Hee Hee!
I am a tournament softball coach with my 16 year old daughter and would make excuses to run back to my truck to have a smoke between games. I guess it was a good thing not to smoke in front of the girls though!
My second last smoke (the day I quit), I brought only one to work and didn't smoke it until about 2:30 in the afternoon...only because, when I went out for a walk at lunch to smoke it, I didn't have any matches. I came back in the office, couldn't find any in my office so I rummeged (spelling?)through my co-workers office to try to find some. I couldn't find any there so I went out to the smoking lounge and had to bum a light from someone...how humiliating! Smoked them wet after the quit and squeeze wet pack processGrumbled about New York raising prices 55cents a pack so they can recoup loses due to the health of smokers.
Watched my newborn cry because he was going through withdrawals ( this makes me cringe still )
Boldly smoked in my brand new truck after my husband told me not to..
Burned my new hat while flicking ashes out the window of the new truck I wasn't suppose to smoke in..
Embarassed at all my Dr.s appt.s
Ignored the congestion,coughing,heart palpitations, paperwork my back Dr. gave me stating smoking makes back problems worse....
Taking meds to help me relax after the nicotine high...
$ spent on cigs..should of gone for healthy groceries...etcb
I stole a carton of smokes too when I was in high school. I went to the store to buy a pack, and no one would come out to serve me, so I stole a carton.
This one is the absolute lowest low I have ever gone to. I was canvassing for the arthritis society years ago, and I stole money from the donations I collected to buy a pack. I think that is the worst thing I have ever done.
On a lighter note (pun intended) I remember dropping a pack in the toilet at school, and picking them out of the toilet, wiping them off and still smoking them.
Funny those times I barely had money for groceries I was always able to find $4.50 for a pack of tumor sticks. Wow, smoking is really sick.
I used to smoke while taking a shower to hide it from my roommates – DUMB!
Well I'm sure there is many things that made me appear to be a retard because of smoking.
I was the expert as a teenager at re-rolling already smoked butts {it's amazing how many times you can recycle those things!}
I wouldn’t go somewhere unless I had smokes so nobody would see me have nicotine fit.
I too tried the microwave to dry out smokes, and when that didn’t work it was on to the oven.... funny, that doesn’t work either.
I amazed my friends with my talent of stealing smokes from right in front of my mother {Mom, I know you'll see this so sorry :)}
I hung out of my 2nd floor bedroom window in 40 below weather at 14 years old so I could smoke.
I think I should stop now before I really realize how pathetic I was LOL
I used to actually be proud of my 'smoking hand' which has gotten so tough that in the winter (like now) I can go outside in any weather and smoke with my bare hand and it doesn't start to hurt till my smoke is done. Great accomplishment eh? The best thing about it is that my smoking hand is also my writing hand and it's kind of hard to write when your hand is stiff from cold and arthritis...at 24.
I used to also be proud of the fact that not much turned me off of smoking, not flu, not strep throat... Real tough chick eh?
I stole about 20 cartons when I noticed the store clerk asleep on the counter. (I justified this by telling myself he needed to learn a
lesson)...needless to say, my addicted self opened all the cartons and laid 200 packs on the bed, just because it was so beautiful.
I was staying with a friend, one of those social smokers (I still hate them!), she hid her pack from me but in the middle of the night, I rummaged around just to find them, then smoked all of them.
Funny thing is, I have never stolen anything that didn't contribute to my addiction
I missed 10 min parts of great movies, plays operas (plus the time it took away because I was focusing on my next fix)
Made my sweet lil 10 yo twin boys smell like a chimney.
My 21yo boy struggles with nicotine addiction. (I wonder why)
Looked for butts, repaired, dried in the micro, etc
Robbed my employer of minutes and days for smoke breaks and illness directly related to smoking.
Set a terrible example for the patients I took care of everyday.
(I was always careful to wash and use lotion, but I wasn't fooling anyone but myself.)
Ruined clothes, upholstery, you name it.
I have severe asthma - I have been in ICU and I have been intubated, I have stopped breathing and my heart has stopped on several occasions each - now if smoking after all isn't dumb - I have left hospitals (even when I have been in ICU) just so I could smoke. I have been in the emergency to get breathing treatments and have walked outside to smoke - my breathing was so bad that I couldn't time breathing in w/ lighting it - the nurses would laugh, but would always offer to light it for me.
Trying desperately to tape up a broken cig
Searching through the butt tray the morning after a party for an acceptable left over
Sneaking out to smoke in secret...as if nobody was going to smell me when I came back
I actually smoked around my child... how awful is that!
I too became an expert at fixing "broken" cigarettes
I lit up less than five minutes after receiving Laser Therapy to quit smoking (about 10 years ago that was the magical way to quit smoking - how bogus! anybody else try that method?)
Maybe the time I got a wet butt out of the ashtray and tried to use a blow drier to dry it--doesn't work.
Or the time I hid cigs under a rock so I could smoke when I went on a walk. The rock kind of squished them, and the dew from the morning made them moist--so I sat down and cried.
What about the time I tried smoking my Father in Laws pipe, so I could get some nicotine into my system...
Oh, stole money from my son to buy smokes.
I can remember having a cigarette going while I was feeding my newborn son when a neighbor "caught" me doing this - she was an x-smoker. I felt awful - but I felt even worse when my son was diagnosed with asthma at nine months.
I'm ashamed to say that when I was pregnant, my then husband (now ex) wanted me to quit - I hid a pack of cigs under a bush about 1/2 a mile down the road and used to "exercise during my pregnancy" (that's what I told him) by walking to the bush and sneaking a smoke - when I got too huge to walk that far, I switched to cigars - talk about addiction!
I never wanted anyone to know at the symphony that I smoked. So, I would sneak 2 blocks down the street and hide in a alley way (rain or shine), I had to peek around the corner every other drag to make sure no one saw me. I felt like a street junkie. At the end they knew anyway.
Okay, let's see....
I've hidden in public washrooms where smoking wasn't allowed and lit up in there
tried drying wet cigarettes with blow dryer (doesn't work either)
put towels under my door so noone could smell it (as if they couldn't!)
stole my roommate's Visa and put a pack of cigarettes on it when I was broke (I still can't believe I did this!)
repaired cigarettes with scotch tape
rummaged through ashtrays to smoke butts
Yuck! Smoking is crazy!
From Helene
02-04-00
#1:Last year I had to stop working because of my health, and my husband and I went SUDDENLY from a 2 income family where mine was the higher income to a one income family. Big shock! I went from shopping for clothes in a department store to shopping in a thrift store, to not shopping BUT, I would get in my car and drive 20 miles to the reservation to spend $70.00 on 2 and1/2 weeks worth of cigarettes, and I'm not supposed to drive alone. I
would have to steal that money from our grocery money!#2: I bought cigarettes instead of glucose monitor strips when my husband gave me money for the strips to monitor my diabetes.
From Kim
03-11-00
My quit date is recent (03-10-00) but it is my LAST!! My lowest point for me was smoking while I was pregnant with all three of my children. Knowing there was a little person inside of you and you were completely POLLUTING their environment!! :( Still brings tears to my eyes. I have a 5 yo and 2 yo twins.
Another one was waiting inside for a friend to drive by for almost a half an hour, just so they wouldn't see me smoke.
Using one jacket for smoking and one for "leaving the house".
Kissing my children, reading, talking and playing with them, with the awful stench of cigs. I pray they don't remember ANY of this!!
Watching myself and my husband cough and hack, while we were sick, smoking in the subzero weather in Maine. While our new born twin screamed inside and our then 3 yo watched us out the window. Makes me cry as I type this.
Hiding the fact that I smoke from my Mom and Dad for almost 4 years now (like they don't know). And not going to visit because of my addiction!
Not becoming closer to people at church and having them over because I KNOW they would hate to see me smoke AND I KNOW ITS DESTROYING ME!!!
Thanks, needed to add to that. Yep, done the gutter thing, looking for smokes, gone through the garbage can, the cupboards, torn the house apart looking for any I can find. Never stole them, but have scraped together money for cigs and have gone without food for myself.
From Leslie
05-12-00
- counting up "bonus bucks" from the gas station (at denominations of 5-25 cents a piece) to buy a $4.00 pack of smokes- digging through the ashtray for butts with a few drags left in them
- butting out a smoke halfway through to save the rest for later (and feeling seriously ashamed when lighting it up for the second time)
- using LINED PAPER to roll up the squeezed out tobacco from the butts in the ashtray
- stealing my sister's prized one dollar bill (discontinued note) and rolling up foreign coins to take to the store to buy a pack
- stealing drags from my mom's burning cigarette while she was in the other room
From Jim
07/06/00
It is truly amazing how we nicotine addicts can perform such despicable acts to get a fix ......to maintain our idea of feeling normal. The worst acts that I am ashamed of occured during periods of slip ups, while trying to conceal my smoking, refusing to buy a pack (because that would admit to myself that I failed this quit).- like a sneaky thief, carefully depositing something into the large butt can outside Wal-Marts front door, and grabbing the best butt I could with one motion. Very worried about catching someone else's disease.
-going thru son's ashtray in his car
-camping with wife and spending many hours away from her because I was busy searching for usuable butts, getting some nicodemon, and trying to wash smoke off.
-vacation with wife at a big casino in Las Vegas. Bought smokes this time and went to great lenghts to keep them hidden, and constantly sneaking aroung casino/ slot machines to smoke. Realize now that security camera guards were probably closely watching my behavior and laughing.
These happened recently.......not a teenager........a grown man....I'm ashamed.
After 30 plus years of addiction
and health going downhill........I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
This quit is my last. Thank you for this web site, and the wonderful
support available on the web.
New Additions
From Jackie Goreham
09-20-00
It is funny reading these and remembering doing many of the same things. I had forgotten smoking in the shower to hide it from my parents, smoking out my window in subzero weather...
In high school, I was in the hospital for two weeks. I couldn't smoke on the floor I was on, so I would go downstairs to the psych ward and smoke with the schizophrenics. When that became a problem, I would go to the basement level where the AA meetings were held and smoke with the drug addicts (how appropriate). I let them all think I was on the detox unit because I was too ashamed to tell them I just wanted to use their smoking room. Oh, and I would go down there dragging my IV pole and in a Johnny...
In college, I would sometimes have to choose between food and cigarettes. I was very thin in college!
One of my lowest moments was when my grandmother, from her hospital bed recovering from a lung removal, begged me to quit smoking. I lit one up as soon as I left. But the worst was when my boyfriend was in the hospital last year for lung cancer. The only time he really smoked was with me (he was a 'social smoker'), and here he was where I should have been.
It has been a month now since I had a cigarette. But the truth is, I quit all over again every minute of every day.
From Samara
10-09-00
I think my lowest moment was when my grandfather was in the hospital dying of emphysema. I went outside every hour or two to smoke a cigarette. Since he was on the respiratory therapy floor everyone there had some sort of smoking related disease. Then, when my mother and I got the phone call that he died, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. Can you believe it?I have also stood outside in subzero weather in a blizzard to smoke a cigarette. I used to smoke with my little sister in the car. I was a true addict. I couldn't go anywhere without a pack of cigarettes. I am now on my 5th day of my quit and trying very hard to stay that way. I don't ever want to repeat that behavior.
From Lynne fell
10-18-00
Once chain smoked an entire pack of Marboro 100's in the park and stood up and turned around to find twenty little butts, all nicely in a row directly behind me. Have left many, many nasty cigarette butts to decompose in beautiful Nature.Once my boyfriend at the time and I broke up every single butt in our ashtray and rolled all the nasty old burned tobacco into one disgusting cigarette because we couldn't afford a pack.
Rolled a cigarette with a scrap of paper torn from a Completion of Tobacco Addiction Class certificate that belonged to my boyfriend.
Smoked cigarettes with a friend who was pregnant even though I knew I shouldn't encourage her. Her baby now has horrible asthma and has been in the hospital many times.
Wrote a paper in my college debate class about how much I hated non-smokers for making me feel guilty. Got a B (points taken off for "name calling").
Practically blew smoke in the faces of many friends who told me they were trying to quit. Figured "They're going to have to learn to live with it anyway".
Many, many times when I had only about five bucks to my name and could either get food or cigarettes, chose cigarettes.
Once bought a pack of smokes for some middle schoolers. Stole a dollar of the money they gave me to go towards my own smokes. Horrible.
Once offered a cigarette to a ten year old. I feel awful about this; I thought it was funny at the time. Thank the gods he didn't take it.
From Wendy
11-27-00
this is bad.
i threw an opened pack of cigaretts in my dogs poop bucket in the backyard, then 3 hours later, fished them out, washed off the outside of the pack and smoked em.'
how disgustingly sickening is that???
my husband still calls me "shit smoker" to this day.
yuck.
From Dee AKA NoNic4Dee
01-04-01
I had many low moments as I had many quits.
I now have a beautiful baby boy who is almost 6 months old.
I smoked with all 3 of my children. I only smoked 2-3 cigarettes a day with my last pregnancy and thought I did "good".
During one of my quits in December 2000, I had just tossed an almost full pack, broken apart, into my trashcan, only to turn around about 3 hours later fishing out the broken, slightly damp and reeking of trash, pieces of cigarettes and "fixing" them, smoking them desperately looking around making sure my kids wouldn't see me.
I remember when my youngest was born, I still smoked even though I was nursing him, but I couldn't stand the thought of the baby smelling like smoke, so every time I smoked I scrubbed my hands like I was possessed, I brushed my teeth, used mouthwash and a ton of lotion on my hands and face to "mask" the stench, only to do it again 40 minutes later. I went through a lot of mouthwash and lotion and it didn't do any good.
I dug through the ashtray of my van hoping to find a butt that had more than just the filter section, then cleaning off the leftover butt and smoking it. I burned my lips and fingers doing this but continued to look for butts. Gross.
It's unbelievable how much of a junkie I was/am and I am ashamed of myself. I can only hope and pray that my children learn from watching me struggling to quit and NEVER EVER start themselves.
From Lee
01-03-01
I have done the gammet in my day of desperate cheat tactics...but dang..that's rough...
Done the asking ppl for smokes, spending last of $ on smokes...smoked around kids, babies...have smoked right in front of hubby and roommate while they quit...
Spend my 10 min breaks at work running to the nearest doorway to smoke...no matter what the weather....even if I had to go to the bathroom...
Wake up every hour or two for a couple of drags of a cig...burnt a bed, brand new comforter, clothes, hair, ppl, my dog...
Tried to hide it when my hubby tried to make me quit...didn't work...did alot of stupid things...One time...I woke up in the middle of the night and I had some butts in the car that I didn't think he knew about....anyways..he's sleeping...I get dressed...keep checking that he is sleeping...yep..got on my coat and boots and open the door and get about 3 steps down the stairs and the door pops open, and there is hubby saying "Gotcha" caught me red handed...couldn't say nothin'. He said that he had been awake the whole time, watching me and was just pretending to sleep when I came in the room...
When hubby tried to make me quit, I would get cigs off my neighbours...until they had no more and then I would buy them more, so I cold get more off them...stupid..
Butts off the street...cruisin' parking lots for ppl with cigs..to ask for 1....even tho I had $ to get some...rolled butts...from the garbage..of someone else...nasty...
NO MORE...I QUIT 01/01/01--Lee
From Jonathon
03-27-01
My lowest moment was the day that I watched my beautiful 5 year old son imitate
me smoking. Nuff said.
From Joycenurse
07-20-01
As a geriatric nurse, I smoked on my breaks and then had to shower my patients. One of my patients had left her makeup at home accidently, and one day said to me "The next time you have a cigarette, would you save me the burned match so that I could use it for my eyebrow pencil?" I was mortified that she could smell the stench on me.
From Brandy
12-18-01
I have had a million low moments it seems like ... Stealing them from boyfriend, lighting up butts to get one nasty, stale drag, usually burning lips or my bangs in the process. I have even bummed cigs from people at work even though I had one left, just so that I would have my own for later. During my previous quit, I would buy a pack on the way to work, smoke that all important first thing in the morning cig and give the pack to my smoker friend at work, thinking that I all I needed was that one smoke. I usually ended up asking him for more later in the day. Sometimes I would toss the pack out the window before I got to work, so that I couldn't ask him for one later. I hate to think of all the money I wasted! All the while my boyfriend, who was quitting with me, had no clue. I think that was what I hated most, the lying and sneaking. It consumed my thoughts all day long.
From Carla
01-23-02
I can remember spending hours discussing the merits of quitting smoking and SMOKING the whole time! I keep telling myself that yes, I'll quit then I go hunting for butts-gross. I had my first son in the middle of a snowstorm, and 4 hours later, her I am, stumbling down to the nearest exit 4 floors down and half a mile away to have a smoke. Never mind the fact that it was -25 outside and I was so drugged up with an IV attached that I nearly fainted! What bugs me the most is that over the years I've smoked the equivalent in dollars of a house!
From Margaret Gorek
01-29-02
I REMEMBER GETTING WALKING PNEUMONIA I HAD TO GET A CHEST RAY. THE DOCTOR SHOWED ME ALL THE FLUID IN MY LUNGS FROM THE XRAY.COULD BARELY BREATH WITH OUT COUGHING FEVER OF 102 . LEFT THE DOCTOR S OFFICE AND THEN LIGHT UP A SMOKE .WELL I QUIT A WEEK LATER SMOKE FREE FOR 20 DAYS AND 160.00 RICHER
From Gord
04-15-02
Hiding the fact that I still smoked form my parents, and not being able to visit my father for the last 3 yrs of his life, He was dying from heart disease, as a result of years of smoking. I will feel guilty about the absurdity of that till I die. Now that is addiction!!!!